I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
