i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
