I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
