I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
