My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
