so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My cat gives me a boner
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
