yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
