i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
