apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
