U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
