No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
