How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
