Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
