hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just invented taco cereal.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
