I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
