I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
is that a dick in a sweater?
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