she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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