so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
