i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
