your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she peed on how many people?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
