I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
