Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
