I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
