I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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