I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
