So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
