Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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