She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
