Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
