I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
