I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
