I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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