i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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