Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
