i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
