Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it's like iHOP with fire
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
