Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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