dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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