I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
