and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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