I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
