I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
