so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
