Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
