You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
