i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
