so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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