This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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