My hand turned me down
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
