Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
