and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
