so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
