I hate all girls vehemently.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
