Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
