He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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