I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
