$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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