She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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