did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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