Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
