Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
