Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
