I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
