I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
