my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
