the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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