I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
