his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
