So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
