he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
