The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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