I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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