I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
