Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
