my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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